A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.Seeing God, she asked,' Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?' God replied, 'Giiirrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you.'
Showing posts with label laughs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laughs. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
The Zipper..laugh of the day!
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a
tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her
turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her
leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her
enough slack to raise her leg.She tried to take the step, only to discover
that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time
attempted the step. Once again, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her
turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her
leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her
enough slack to raise her leg.She tried to take the step, only to discover
that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time
attempted the step. Once again, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
Sunday, September 09, 2007
If My Body Were A CAr
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... but that's not the worst of it.My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... but that's not the worst of it.My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
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